I did a reading of a new play, "Peter," by a fantastic writer, Kelly Feustel, a few weeks ago. Following the reading we did a Q&A and I gotta tell you, the feeling that you get when among artistic and creative people is like none other. It was great that over a minimally-staged reading people can discuss and interpret things in so many way. It's truly the magic of theater and the arts.
I think the question that I'm raising today is What Can I Do To Help?
(For one, http://www.indiegogo.com/Dreamcatcher-Theatreworks-presents-FaceSpace is a site where you can donate to help Kelly's theater company Dreamcatch Theatreworks get up and running some more!)
But, aside from that- I was thinking. How can I donate my time, my efforts, to getting theater and the arts widely accepted and available? I still don't really know the answer- if you do, let me know. But, I think that just like the discussion we had after the reading, it's all about talking about it. Talk about it with your theater friends, with your colleagues, with strangers at the bookstore. I think getting it out there is what makes theater go-round.

I was talking to my roommate last night about how the people that go to see theater are the people who work in the theater! We are basically financially supporting one another more so than anyone else! Isn't that silly? A carpenter doesn't have other carpenters buying from him, 'cause they can each make their own... Not that I think we shouldn't be active in this world because that'd be no fun, but we need others to come and participate just as much.

Well, that's just a thought that probed into my mind today.

...................


Yesterday I had a bit of a heartbreak. I never let myself expect something out of an audition, but yesterday's was different. I can't specify details, but I was what appeared to everyone and myself a sure thing for a prestigious show that is coming to the Broad-way in the Fall. The audition was fab, the connections beyond fab... everything going my way, right? And then, what could go wrong? Well... to put it bluntly- look. type. whatever you want to call it.
Something about how I looked didn't fit into the mold of what was going to end up comprising the show.
This is the reason we always do or don't get work. It just really struck a painful chord with me that I did everything in my power and the show creator's powers that I should be doing, but I'm not the right type. There's no one to blame, no hard feelings, nothing I can do... the end.

I haven't felt as stingy of a heartbreak for quite a while, I must say. I think I set myself up thinking I was going to get something that wasn't a guarantee, really, so the downfall is worst. I often say that I am a pessimist when it comes to auditioning so that when I book something it's the highest of highs and when I don't, I accept it and move on. In life I'm not like that, though I used to be. I expect great things to happen in life and am very optimistic in that regard. I think that by setting myself up for success and not achieving it, when it comes to auditions, is much more painful than saying to myself "I know I can book this. I know I can do really well, and if not it's okay. Whatever." By thinking the latter, I set myself up to give my best audition, but I let it go once I walk out of the room. This time, it was tougher to take.
Note to self: Keep thinking the latter.


Well, needless to say I feel disappointed today, but I'm also optimistic that I'm meant to be doing something else right now. I am planning to go traveling as soon as possible. Looks like I'll be going to California by the end of this month, and then I'm definitely going to Europe and Israel. I have a few more auditions in the next week and a half, and I'm going to continue to plow through and do my best at each and everyone, because it's what I desperately want to be doing. But, I know that theater isn't my life. It's a huge part of my life, but I can't sit around when I feel an urge to go abroad, or go back to school, or do a different job, or whatever it may be. I'm feeling the urge to go roam the world and get re-inspired. And it's what I'm planning on doing. I'll be auditioning until the day I'm traveling and I'll be back at it when I return, because that part of my life is the one that brings me the most passion and joy at this point of my life.

I liken my life to my hand. Theater is my big ol' thumb. It's the one that helps make my life live-able. It is the passion behind all that I do (at this point in my life), and it's the biggest part of my life. That being said, there are four other fingers, knuckles, joints, and nails to think about and to discover. I told my friend, Dana, this metaphor today and I think she cringed quite a bit... but it's true, don't ya think?

I'm off to discover what other parts of my life are while I continue to do what I love, which is perform. I am not "giving up" and I am not even "taking a break." Performing is part of my life, not my life, and I just happen to be participating in other activities more than that one right now.

So, the plan is thus:
Out of NYC by the end of March (unless I book something that brings me joy).
"Babysit" slash hang out with my younger brother in California when my parents go on a vacation.
Vegas with my mommy-leh to see Celine Dion <3
Europaa (too many specifics to list)
Israel
LA

More info at a later date. I'm over it right now.

*And this post was more so for myself than anyone else. Because come to think of it, I just needed to place my thoughts down. I legit don't think anyone reads this. Maybe my mom every blue moon or if I tell her to. If you have any thoughts to share, though, they'd be much appreciated.